March 24, 2011

Who's beautiful enough?

I'm at my usual chillout-work place; it's the weekend; to both my left and right are pretty young ladies with their bevy of friendly male clusters taking photos of themselves via iphone and handheld digital cameras. All is see is pose, snap, check. Pose, snap, check.. repeatedly for the past 20minutes. I don't think they've gotten a good picture of themselves yet. Or at least one which they feel makes them 'beautiful enough'

In this shallow shallow world of human beings we undeniably question this at several points in our lives.
Some (like me) find themselves thinking about it too often
and i suppose some of us choose to ignore the question out of pure confidence ... you smut!* hehe my jealousy speaking. Insecurities make up a big portion of my subconscious thoughts.

Our parents say to us as children *Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; you are perfect nomatter what others may say*.. and then mom turns around 20 years later with some make-up she thinks will make your ache scared face decent. LOL
It's such a vain thing to speak about. It's not a question you'll ever have an honest answer from anyone and everyone is probably going to give you the classic "WHy of course you are!" ... if they are decent people with manners at least.

People who check their reflection every alternate minute of the day probably are the epitome of those who have issues with being beautiful enough. It could be because they feel it is all they are good for; or they just love to gawk at the perfect view each time. I've even seen some drivers transform their reverse dashboard mirrors into a permanent place to check their hair or apply lipstick!

Of course there are some who have made 'being physically beautiful' a career and a responsibility, models, actors.. etc..etc.. but we 'the others' find ourselves comparing our far from perfect selves with images we idolize in the media. It's a natural thing to do; we're only human to be envious and to want better for ourselves. We like to think that pretty girls and handsome men get their way and we don't because of the way they look; we want to be bitter at them and imagine them living the life.... i'm doing it right now.. being a bitter little fat person because it feels nice to have something to blame for all of the unhappy things about my life. *LOL

Nomatter how much peptalk we drive into our own heads; we will end up watching someone else stroll ourselves to them and think *crap*... i need to get taller heels, a hair cut like that.. or maybe buy a designer handbag so I can look cool like her. I SAY PPPPFFFffffffttttt.
I can pfft all I want now; but I know the next time he pats me on the tummy and snickers again; I'm going to think *SHITT I need to stop eating food!! NOW!!*
I'm sure to him it's endearing.. and certainly not meant to be a hurtful gesture but I can't help but to beat myself up quietly about it. *So dear.. if you're reading this.. it's a Hint* :D
I've put on lots of weight since my uni days in Sydney when i had plenty time to be at the gym; eat healthy regular meals and watch my binging. I can't exactly remember how I've come to a shape like this. Things I'd like to forget. Haha.. happy times..

Starting tomorrow; I'm never eating again! Hahahhaha.. no! that's stupid, I'm I don't know; I don't think anything is really going to happen tomorrow.
Cause mayyybe, the truth is.. I do think I'm enough. Not beautiful enough for everything or everyone.. but I'm so lucky to have what I've got; good health... head full of hair, all bodily parts.. and well.. plenty meaty goodness to keep me warm and cuddly. With some decent clothes and good make-up I'd be more than presentable.

TADAH! yay! hehehe <3

kay.... they are STILL taking pictures of themselves! now they're actually doing it standing up! GOSH girls! take your blackberrys and iphones and get a room! *LMAO* ridiculous. Phones are meant for communication, right now; it looks like it blocks out all possible communication.


Unknown said...

I like your post. I'm sure a lot of people think the same way. I'm not sure anyone is completely happy with their own body.

As for you, I don't think you look fat at all in your photos, you look normal, and that's the way it should be isn't it? It's not nice with a person that's so skinny you can see their ribs. And it's not healthy to be that thin either. Or.. I guess that depends on HOW you got that thin.

The photos of you in this post were really beautiful by the way :)

Jamie said...

You're not alone!! I beat up myself after putting on weight again after my ROM and I have a big wedding banquet to prepare for in 4 months!! Anyway, I really don't think its how much you exercise but also how much food we eat and unfortunately I fail so bad in that category :\

Sometimes gotta enjoy also lah but I know how you feel! I get poked all the time but since we're married I can poke back at his too. Cheer up, u still look beautiful!

de-Kaffeinated! said...

Dear Su, do you realise that, while you look at those shallow, shallow girls taking photos of themselves, some other ladies are looking at you, full of admiration and wishing they're like you? You have youth and talent on your side, and you ARE pretty and graceful. The world is your oyster! Enjoy being you!!

Miche said...

I've been following your blog for years and I've always envied you coz to me babes, you're absolutely gorgeous. No lies!

I used to be a crazy gym buff, 4 times a week thing but since I got my job, that's dropped to zero so yea, I'm beating myself up and staring at my muffin tops and rolls constantly. Doesn't mean that I have image issues or what... On the whole, I do like my body... but doesn't mean that there aren't things I would like to change.

So be your happy smiling self, Su because that is the most attractive thing ever...

Unknown said...

i really love your writing style on this blog, not to mention your realistic but positive POV on vanity and real beauty.

i think that we all have things about ourselves that we are ashamed of or that we dislike. we really need to see ourselves by looking at not only the ugly truth but the beautiful truth.

i would like you to know you do not look at all over weight, and you look absolutely stunning in your photos on this post.

you seem like a wise-minded human and a very inspirational individual :)

Chris said...

Don't forget the one thing that matters...INNER BEAUTY!! That is the hardest to achieve and some people don't get it ever! Yes, we will never get everything we want($, better figure, poutier lips etc etc), but the most important is to appreciate and be thankful for what we have and what we can achieve. Like u, I cannot stand folks who take photos for no particular reason. In the 80s when I lived in HK, it was such a trend; my colleague used to bring a whole album of pics taken over the weekend, every Mon so we could all "enjoy" it. Arrrgghhhh!!! Now, of course, Msia has succumbed to this horrible trend!

Unknown said...

Like a lot of people, I think, I feel compelled to write here that I think you are beautiful. And obviously, I follow this blog because I am stunned by your talent.
I'm glad to hear though that you have managed to be pleased enough with your appearance - I guess there's not much I (a total stranger) can say that would change how you feel about yourself, so I'm glad that I don't have to, to hear that you know you are beautiful <3