May 29, 2009

Gritting my teeth

It gets more and more difficult trying to stay strong when you see the rest of them succumbing to the easy way out. I completely understand how I'm not the only one in the world pursuing my dreams; I am not alone, and from the responses I've been getting in my mailbox; I know for a fact there are so many of us out there searching for inspirational others.
I could make a list about a 100 things I dislike about myself; I could make a list of 10 habits I should work on changing every day, but I can't seem to make a substantial list of reasons to give myself a pat on the back.
Everyday I'm faced struggling with this issue of differentiating Su Yin; from Delectable. I should be responsible for what Delectable is and does; but I really have to stop taking each Delectable failure as a personal failure which I beat myself up about each night. No doubt; occasionally things go wrong, people make mistakes; but I as the person behind it all; should take it as the responsibility of an entity as a whole, instead of convince myself what an idiot I was to not have done THIs or THat! That's ridiculous! I've always taken full responsibility for my actions; but when it's the actions of more than just me; of people working for me; working with me; against me, I can't control all of that; I must let go. I can't change the world by worrying about every little mess-up; I can't build my experiences with Delectable by being petty over the littlest details which upset me.

My blog helps a lot with boosting me forward to do things I must; to have people cheer me on; believe in me; it's something I'm incredibly grateful for. This complicates things a little for Su. I don't want to be the one to burst anyone's bubble or be a disappointment in the end. I'm trying to do all I can, and all I know.. I never go to sleep each night without thinking to myself; what if it isn't enough? What if I'm too ahead of myself? What if people think of my career as a joke?
Silly huh? I've always been a confident and brave person; but even the strongest of us have our moments. I have not been performing the way I had intended; I wished there was a 'mental'-gym I could sign up for to train myself to health again.
I've not had peanut butter in months. Could this maybe be the reason? Have I not taken a moment to indulge in my fav things?


Surani said...

Awww Girl! Don't be discouraged by little mishaps that happen.. your really a very talented girl and i adore your creations!I respect you a lot for having the guts to keep aside your mechanical degree and pursue what your heart desires!
as you said, even the BEST have their moments..learn from them and move one is perfect and that's the whole beauty of it!!
Best of luck!!!

Jennywenny said...

Oh dear, sorry you're struggling. I guess when I get to times like that I remember my bike coach who always sings the song from finding nemo 'keep on swimming, keep on swimming' or in our case it was 'keep on peddling, keep on peddling'. Its a nice little mantra that gets me through the tough days.

You're doing wonderfully but you cant do everything. Dont be too hard on yourself...

Chef C said...

Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens,
Bight copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings,
Think of all of your favorite things.

Cream colored penguins and crisp apple strudels,
Door bells and sleigh bells, cupcakes and noodles?
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
Think of all of your favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
Snowflakes that stay on your nose and eyelashes,
Silver white winters that melt into springs,
Think of all of your favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when you're feeling sad,
Just simply remember your favorite things,
and then you won't feel so bad.

Anonymous said...

Go for a good spa, girl. pamper yourself. get 1 day off and do absolutely nothing but indulge yourself from head to toe in the spa parlor. you deserve it and you will feel better.

You sound so burnt out.

p/s I am your longtime silent reader since your uni days, but never commented before. goodluck.


Lili said...

Dear Su, I have been following your blog for a long time. Watching from the time you were learning and "playing" with sugar. I was happy to see the good reception of your beautiful craft since you arrived in your home land, and I have to confess I almost cried the day you announced the opening of your store. You have been a great inspiration to me, myself being also a young entrepreneur, fighting against many things I don't master yet, and against my own tendency to relax too much. I don't mean to put more pressure on you with this words, just to say I understand you and there is no way you could be a disappointment even if everything collapses because you have been giving the fight beyond your physical and emotional force.
It is just very hard to be an artist and a business woman; and on top of that you just don't settle with easy, common results :). But Su, from a distance I think this is the beauty of the game, mistakes and success, never ending learning. Soon you will get wiser, stronger and more relaxed (I have to remember this too!). Keep it up, laugh a bit about the mistakes and please, please, have lots of peanut butter!

Anonymous said...

Hi. i always tell myself any experience that you have you can learn something from. Whatever happens you can say you tried. One always has a right to change one's mind. Do take care of yourself and dont feel blue for too long. m

Anonymous said...

Hey Su.

I started reading your blog about 6 months ago and its so funny how i have moved countries and now work in the cake decorating business too!

you are doing a fantastic job, and if im ever in KL, i would definitely come by!

i'd like to think that its the you know, what doesnt kill us, only makes us stronger.

its awesome to do what you do! seriously!

p/s i dont decorate, i am the 'unofficial' taste tester :)

沈伊 said...

Me too have been following your blog for some time. You inspire me too !!

I will only say : it is the mistakes that will shape us. :) So not too worry about it. Sometimes i find imperfect perfects our lives!

Gan be deh ! You can geh !!
Thats my motto. Bless.

yeeling said...

tk gd care of urself~~~

Anonymous said...

What I've learnt recently is one must have total commitment, especially through the tricky moments, because success is always just round the corner.

Keep pushing and persevere, enjoy the ride.

Mary Ann said...

I just found your blog and I'm blown away by the depth of your creativity! Starting a business is a such an important step and one that requires that you wear different hats - the artist, the manager, the personnel department, etc. You can't do it all or you'll burnout quickly. Ever thought about hooking up with a business mentor even just to bounce ideas or vent? I wish you much luck and I look forward to your next creation!

Unknown said...

Hey Su, I have to tell you that everyday I wonder if I am doing the right thing with my cake business. I am a mom of 3 (3, 4, & 10) and a wife, pursing my crazy dream also. Our stories are very similar. I wonder if I am doing enough with my family, my life.

But, I continue on. I opush on because I have a lot to prove. To myself, my kids, my hubby. I have come to realize that it is never enough. No matter what you do. To me, it is important to follow my heart.

You keep pressing on, girl. I have been reading your blog for a long time. You are a fantastic gal with fantastic talents. The everyday mishaps are what makes us stronger. :)

Catherine said...

Hey Su, you're burning yourself out. I've gone through that sorta stress and all the expectations you and everyone put on yourself. However, dont let that overwhelm you. Its hard to please everyone, even yourself. I was never satisfied with my progress for PhD. It came to a point that I wanted to quit PhD. Till now, I'm still not happy with what I'm doing.

However, I've learnt that if you keep on pleasing everyone around you, you'll never succeed. Being a harsh critic to myself, I always think I could have done more and minimise the errors that I do. No one is perfect and what you've done is done. There's no way of going back to correcting it. It took me a year into my PhD to know that. Now I'm enjoying it and not being harsh on myself. Everyone around you are heppy for you. You should be too. Dont add more onto your plate. I've learnt to take things day by day, step by step.

You've finally materialised your passion as your occupation. Do how much you can do. Please dont let this stress you out so much that you may start hating it.

We're always here supporting you in everyway!!! Good luck and take care of yourself. If you break down, everything breaks.

Pastry Girl said...

You're good at what you do, believe me. Never think that you are a failure. You're far from any kind of failure. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they're just jealous. :) I hope you find your peanut butter and that you feel better.

n i l e e y said...

hi Su, you have taken a big step forward, and don't be disheartened by those little mishaps. Remember this - all upsets are opportunities to learn the truth.

I'm inspired by your ambition and determination. Don't give up!

Cindy Khor said...

seems that you have a tough time juggling with your career. i don't think that your career is laughable and that you are wasting your time, i do think that you are very inspirational and very motivating for us to pursue our dream goal which most of us lack the courage to do that...way to go gal..

Anonymous said...

Hi Su
i'm also one of your blog's silent reader, i admire your courage to pursue your dream and it took you such a great effort to achieve that. When you feel tired, slow down, rest your head, pamper yourself with something that can put a smile back to you. 'jia yu, Su!!'

h-xieng said...

*Violently shoves Peanut butter cups down your throat*


teeheehee, i have the matching lil red riding hood and BIG BAD WOLF card holders!


Nali said...

Hey Su Yin,

I haven't commented in a while but I have been actively following your blog and I'm really proud of everything you've achieved! You've done so much and you've got to remember that when you find yourself feeling down.

It was interesting that you should use the metaphor of a mental gym because I was in a psychiatry lecture and the psychiatrist suggested we try these websites:

I've looked at them myself and found the second one particularly useful.

Hope it helps.
Nali xxxxx

Unknown said...

hey Su,
i'm very sure these happenings are the very beginnings of ur success!
been reading ur blog since a year ago, and u can add another inspired fan in ur list!
all ze best =)

AddictedArea said...

Good night, very great for me to be part of ur blog
I just wanna say ur blog is so Good

jo said...

hey su!:) pleasure to have met u at ur shop in KL - the cupcakes were DELICIOUS!! too pretty to eat too - u TOTALLY made my week in KL!! wish i could quit my job in Auckland to join ur vibrant team..;)

Su-Yin -Décorateur said...

Leave it to you guys to pick em up at my lowest! Haha *runs about with lots of hugs for everyonE!**
Sigh* Su has he emo moments when she needs encouragement and I appreciate lots how you've taken the time to make it just a little more convincing for me :) I LOVE you guys for being there for me and I want to prove to you I'm stronger than it seems!

I've pounded in the peanut butter;
I'm working my butt off
and am inspired by your stories and hints for a better happier su!