It gets more and more difficult trying to stay strong when you see the rest of them succumbing to the easy way out. I completely understand how I'm not the only one in the world pursuing my dreams; I am not alone, and from the responses I've been getting in my mailbox; I know for a fact there are so many of us out there searching for inspirational others.
I could make a list about a 100 things I dislike about myself; I could make a list of 10 habits I should work on changing every day, but I can't seem to make a substantial list of reasons to give myself a pat on the back.
Everyday I'm faced struggling with this issue of differentiating Su Yin; from Delectable. I should be responsible for what Delectable is and does; but I really have to stop taking each Delectable failure as a personal failure which I beat myself up about each night. No doubt; occasionally things go wrong, people make mistakes; but I as the person behind it all; should take it as the responsibility of an entity as a whole, instead of convince myself what an idiot I was to not have done THIs or THat! That's ridiculous! I've always taken full responsibility for my actions; but when it's the actions of more than just me; of people working for me; working with me; against me, I can't control all of that; I must let go. I can't change the world by worrying about every little mess-up; I can't build my experiences with Delectable by being petty over the littlest details which upset me.
My blog helps a lot with boosting me forward to do things I must; to have people cheer me on; believe in me; it's something I'm incredibly grateful for. This complicates things a little for Su. I don't want to be the one to burst anyone's bubble or be a disappointment in the end. I'm trying to do all I can, and all I know.. I never go to sleep each night without thinking to myself; what if it isn't enough? What if I'm too ahead of myself? What if people think of my career as a joke?
Silly huh? I've always been a confident and brave person; but even the strongest of us have our moments. I have not been performing the way I had intended; I wished there was a 'mental'-gym I could sign up for to train myself to health again.
I've not had peanut butter in months. Could this maybe be the reason? Have I not taken a moment to indulge in my fav things?