Gritting my teeth

It gets more and more difficult trying to stay strong when you see the rest of them succumbing to the easy way out. I completely understand how I'm not the only one in the world pursuing my dreams; I am not alone, and from the responses I've been getting in my mailbox; I know for a fact there are so many of us out there searching for inspirational others.
I could make a list about a 100 things I dislike about myself; I could make a list of 10 habits I should work on changing every day, but I can't seem to make a substantial list of reasons to give myself a pat on the back.
Everyday I'm faced struggling with this issue of differentiating Su Yin; from Delectable. I should be responsible for what Delectable is and does; but I really have to stop taking each Delectable failure as a personal failure which I beat myself up about each night. No doubt; occasionally things go wrong, people make mistakes; but I as the person behind it all; should take it as the responsibility of an entity as a whole, instead of convince myself what an idiot I was to not have done THIs or THat! That's ridiculous! I've always taken full responsibility for my actions; but when it's the actions of more than just me; of people working for me; working with me; against me, I can't control all of that; I must let go. I can't change the world by worrying about every little mess-up; I can't build my experiences with Delectable by being petty over the littlest details which upset me.


My blog helps a lot with boosting me forward to do things I must; to have people cheer me on; believe in me; it's something I'm incredibly grateful for. This complicates things a little for Su. I don't want to be the one to burst anyone's bubble or be a disappointment in the end. I'm trying to do all I can, and all I know.. I never go to sleep each night without thinking to myself; what if it isn't enough? What if I'm too ahead of myself? What if people think of my career as a joke?
Silly huh? I've always been a confident and brave person; but even the strongest of us have our moments. I have not been performing the way I had intended; I wished there was a 'mental'-gym I could sign up for to train myself to health again.
I've not had peanut butter in months. Could this maybe be the reason? Have I not taken a moment to indulge in my fav things?
*grin*

A breather. A Turning point at pause. A step forward with each new breath taken.

Time for a short mental reflection.


It's only been 2 full weeks; and yes! the shop is off to a great start.
The response for our cakes and cookies have been very encouraging as well!
I can't thank my fellow bloggers and friends who have written such nice things about Delectable and our yummy desserts!
Well no doubt; in my line of work there will always be moments where people decide to have a go at my confidence or credibility, and being the idiot that I am; I would spend the next 2 hours questioning myself. *slaps forehead* I need to stop worrying; it's holding me back.

Remember the ol comparison of 'theory and application'?
Where I am now is a classic example of where it's gone all wrong.

Sleeping 3 hours a day; leaving behind all this things I've loved and forgetting to take pride in my creations... all of that I had NOT intended; ... but it's where my stubborn self has led me.
I've forgotten how to smile; and that creates less room everyday for inspiration and passion in my heart. But THAT is what I treasure most about my silly self; and that is what Delectable has been built on.
I can't exactly put my finger on the moment I made a decisive note to myself that: THIS has GOT to change. This; meaning how my life is now evolving from a fun enjoyable one to a stressful and unforgiving experience; as well as how my goals and dreams for my Delectable will not be achievable at this rate and sequence.
I've strayed from 'plan A; B; C to D E F..and finally to Plan "Taking-it-as-it-comes"! I've got to get my head straight; pull my $*&! together and continue down the right path.
I can't help to admit that I had been distracted from loads of cakes to do; daily shelf items at the store and basically trying to be everyone and everything I felt Delectable needed. I know better than to run myself into the wall like this; and it's about time I acted so.
I'm burnt out; I wont deny... I brought it upon myself without much thought or intention; but there's no use in whining about it. I'm just glad it had only been a week before I snapped out of it.
It might have been the couple of beers with my cousins or the big laughs falling over spins at my attempts to salsa, maybe it was that quiet glass of wine I snuck from the chiller or my quick power nap I rewarded myself with this afternoon. I can't tell what it was. Maybe it was all of it. Maybe it was that comforting smile from Nicole, a big hug from Alan or that hilariously nasty dance from my 'Rico' in the middle of my shop! Haha Whatever it was; after a fun night spent skipping about my Delectable store; I'm all hyped up again to take on new challenges. I'm not tired anymore. I know what I want. I'm stubborn like that *wink* :P

Su's found her "Mojo" back guys!
It's not like I've lost it completely; it just got a little dim from those thousands of cupcakes I had to bake for hungry cake lovers in the Mall! hehe
I promise; the blogging will return, I will be seen out dancing, I will be playing badminton regularly, I will eat 3 meals a day, I will put make up on, and I will wear shoes to match! I WANT to feel alive again! YAY!
Once again; I've seen the light. Only by experience will you ever learn the importance of balance and how it can affect every aspect and outlook on your life.

No doubt; at this point, our retail outlet looks great; functions systematically, is fun, delicious, inspiring and uplifting.
However, give me a little more time; I'm ready to take it to another level. Not only will it be all it is now, Delectable will be impeccable, consistent, professional and a reflection of Su's passion for her creations!

It went right through *WAH*

Su single handedly managed her weekend of orders and shelf products like a champ.
Literally.
Long serrated knife in right; knife in cake;Knife through cake; knife through left! *BLOOD*
That was basically what disabled my entire left palm saturday morning. I had 3 little cakes and 60 cupcakes to deliver by 7.
Mini Cakes and cupcakes for the morning weekend traffic at our Delectable outlet were waiting to be covered and decorated. But how?!My handy pair of sugar crafting 'machines' were reduced to one. My first thought was "CRAP! I don't have a band-aid big enough!" Haha I eventually made do with 4 band-aids.Lucky me; it was an incredibly sharp knife! The wound should heal within a day; it's pretty alright now, just the pulsing in my hand that annoys me every time I pick something heavy up. Making lime curd and liquids for my cakes is a real killer for me too!
It's a good excuse to work on more paper work and writing; attend my weekend Salsa lessons for a change! Sleep maybe? HahaI'm feeling a little helpless today; I've finally decided to slow it down a little. Allow the wound to close; working with a glove really is nasty when I'm in a hurry to complete my weekend projects.
*sigh* I need to learn to work calm and collected.
I guess haste was what got me into this in the first place!
I can almost hear Chef James in my head going: "I told you so Su Yin!"
Any offers to volunteer their perfectly good left hands tonight? *grin*

Officially moving from Blog to Shop

A new Delectable era has begun!
Su's here to turn cakes into art; sugar into sculpture and 'dessert' into a delightful word~!
Finally! a place to share my work beyond just photographs online.
We've been open just a little less than a week and the response has been awesome!
I'm just finding it hard to tolerate the quantities and daily need to be baking and decorating through my sleep provision. BAH! I need to find a solution for this little hang up of mine.

I can't be grateful enough for all the encouraging remarks from blog readers, friends and family; It's hard work; but definitely tolerable at this point! No doubt; I'm gritting my teeth and soldiering on!
Inevitably; I'll be expanding my team and moving forward with business plans; my quaint outlet here at The Gardens Mall; Midvalley is going to house and display snippets of Delectable's growth in months to come. It's not just going to be CAKE guys; there's more to Delectable than what meets the eye *wink* Hush hush secrets *grin*

It still feels a little surreal to me how I've finally parked myself comfortably into retail.
Well; not exactly as comfortably as I would have expected; but certainly thrilled about it none the less!
It doesn't help to be a little out of touch with my 'Malaysian-ness'; getting bullied and called 'kid' in some instances *laughs* I know it's difficult to take my child-like persona seriously at times; but I'm really not the type to sit back when others begin pushing my buttons!
*grrrr* Uninvited stress for sure. I've slowly learnt to deal with difficult situations and squirm away from crummy people who are being disturbingly unkind.
Putting my foot down is kinda fun! *giggle* I get things moving and I get them moving exactly where I want em~ :D














Anyhow; The shop is great, it's lots of fun and I've heard many nice things being said about our products and my cakes. If I were to describe my thoughts on the status of Delectable at this point; I could summarize it into a big hearty: YAyYY!

Delectable Unveiled!

3 stressful weeks later;
the hoardings were ready to be pulled down...Business begins the next morning; whether I chose for it to or not,
lacking of sale products and lacking of sleep... I took a step backward and began beaming from ear to ear.
I placed a couple of cakes in the center for fun;
The Delectable Store glows just the way I've dreamt it to




The boys did an amazing job with constructing my white timber panels,
Dad made excellent decisions, sis gave invaluable pointers and mom stayed up with me through my nights of production till dawn.

It will be my third day in the Delectable retail outlet tomorrow. I've not slept in days from the excitement and support I've been getting with our daily products.
I don't know how much more I can take. 2 hours of sleep a day and a coffee each meal isn't going to cut it. Has my life now been reduced to this? *laughs*
I guess after this weekend's mother's day rush I'll be able to do more and take a rest.
I've got to be up in an hour, baking more sugar cookies till we open at 10am.
Fret not; blog updates remain despite Su's lack of free time.
A big hug and thank you to blog readers who have came by to say hey! TOO SWEET of you all!
When things settle; I want to have a big party with lots of yummy things for everyone at the shop. It's too cool to have a space in a mall. I'm loving it.

I know this isn't how I generally would write. Just a little too tired to be descriptive at this point.
....
*snore*.....

*sneeze!*

This was bound to happen.
I knew one day; I was going to get up thinking... yeap; today I have no choice. Pull the brakes. I'm exhausted and ill. Can barely stand up without going weak in the knees; how do you suppose I knead fondant? *laughs*

I'm not certain if this is a blessing in disguise; but shop opens in about a week. It's crunch time NOW! I really needed a break; but being sick really isn't a form of rest! :(
I'm backed up ridiculously on work and responding to orders. Sincerely apologize. I NEED to make more me's! Need to find help. The last Su standing is down as well today. So it's going to have to be a slow weekend.
*sigh*