August 1, 2008

Where am I?

Su is lost..
...she has been for days...
She cant find herself.
... She's wanders about her home; a million things on her mind.
She walks with her loving family by her side.
but where is she?.... She can't remember what it felt like to be herself.
To be spontaneous and silly; without feeling embarrassed.
To bake just because it was fun; To fail and be able to laugh about it.
Not only is she home; she has now stepped into a world of responsibility.
An adult world she has never ventured;
...as fresh as a newly hatched chick from its shell boundaries;
she cries out for help from others as they trample all over her.
She never asked to be here.
She wants to climb back into her shell...; but it has disappeared!
Where has it gone?
Oh where am I?!

It looks very much like I have my shit together;
truth be told.. I'm stressed out of my mind, frustrated, depressed, anxious, worried and afraid..
I know I'm not the only one.. us out there need each other.
... we feel nobody understands us.
......we feel we have unbearable amounts of what everyone else has.
In all honesty; we know deep inside, its really how happy we make ourselves to be.
I've decided to make myself happy tomorrow.
It's my last night of sorrow.
Tired of feeling sorry for myself.
Tired of blaming everything else for my state of mind.
Who's with me?

... it time that new leaf is turned.

22 comments:

Eve said...

Cheer up, sis. I hope you are happy now. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

hear hear. bravo su, you can do it!

soulchocolate said...

Keep your head up high! You know you can do it! Always remember, you are unique,no one can do things like you can!

ween said...

Hi Su, I've been your fan for about a year and a half (or maybe two) now. Just like myself I bet you've inspired many more. Your work is absolutely stunning each and everyone of them. Breaking your comfortable shell into something you yourself are unsure of can be a hard step, but life's like that. God test us only in the ways that He knows we are strong enough to accept. Things will always turn out brighter than you would expect. So look up high, coz you should know, you should be proud, you are very good at this!! Btw, when you decide to open a class, or have a demo, *for a fair price haha* pls let me/us know :) the Best of Luck!!

cookienurse said...

You are more stronger than you know...keep your head up and take courage and know that you have the power to change things! I am with you!!

Anonymous said...

hugssss
Lynn xo

Anonymous said...

it is bothering.. i know.. feelings like yours are processes of growing and learning. I know you can get through them. BE a happy girl, cheers.

regards,
sin ee

EpaNz said...

aja aja fighting SuYin! ((hugs))

xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi Su,

I have been a regular visitor of your blog for a while and I am amazed at all you have done. The impression I have of you is one of eagerness and daringness to do whatever your heart desire and I am saddened to learn of your mood right now. Rome is not built in a day. Take it easy and don't be so stressed up. It takes a while to settle down. It is another new chapter, a new beginning. You are still so young with so much to do in life. I hope these words of encouragement will cheer you up. Go girl!

Beginner's Luck.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Su.You are so talented.If you find your skills not appreciated in Malaysia, I am sure Sydney will welcome you back with open arms and you will earn a nice living doing what you enjoy here.
Believe in yourself and go forward...Michelle fr Sydney

Anonymous said...

Hi, I was in your position 12 years ago, after 10 years overseas, coming home was AWFUL. I was depressed for 1 year.. however it was my CHOICE.. for not letting go of the past, for constantly looking over my shoulder, for complaining, comparing. Hope you don't make the mistake I made. One door closes, another opens, if we stare too long at the closed door, we won't notice the good fortune in front of us.

agent orange said...

Hi,

I've only started to visit your blog recently thru a link from another fren's blog. I've been so amazed by the things you can whip up and the passion you have for what you do. Honestly not many of us can actually be so passionate over what we do at work or in life. I'm sure your work is appreciated and inspring to many pple around you, even strangers like me whom get to know you from blogs. I hope you can find yourself soon.

Anonymous said...

Hi Su,
I know exactly how you feel. I graduated from culinary school in May 2008 and feel lost. You are extremely talented but YOU have to believe it. There is light at the end of all that confusion and not knowing. I think what i have learned up to now is that the only one pressuring me is ME. Have fun and remember why you began your journey---Simply because you LOVED and Enjoyed it-NB

Anonymous said...

jiayou~~

Anonymous said...

Cheer up! Have faith in yourself! You can only overcome the obstacles when you allow yourself to :)

Jayna

Anonymous said...

If you are lost, and got lotsa things in your mind... take a step back

theadams said...

Give yourself some time Su, you'll be allright. With a very supportive parents that you have...i'm sure you'll find the true you soon. Just hang in there....

zyybad said...

good girl,no one could take ur happyness,we all waiting for ur fresh smile and new dishes~~~

Anonymous said...

I'm with you Su Yin!
I know you don't feel like you've been in the 'adult world', but don't forget you've already been handling the responsibilities of developing your skills, both in terms of cooking and surviving on your own.
I can understand your feelings too, given your passion but as other people have been commenting, there's no hurry, take your time. You will get there!
Nali xxxxx

Sal said...

Sweetness stop begin so hard on yourself.

You have had a very busy few years, you need to give yourself a little break. Give yourself a no responsibilty two weeks. Do what you want, when you want. Your inspiration will come back, you will feel rested and refreshed and ready for your next challenge.

Everyone needs time out to recharge. Lots of long walks and coffee at your favourite haunts.

xxxx

Lilia said...

Hi Su,

Feel like having a culture shock back home? Somehow the "home" that we know already been changing a lots and you may feel like you are a stranger at first.

Just don't forget, wherever we are, when we enter workplace for the first time, it's always akward at first. Everyone do make mistakes, you will the learn a lots to fix your mistakes, incorporate yourself into relationship with people at workplace and try to adapt your new life. Soon, you will feel like you're back again at home that you knew before and loving it!

Good Luck and do it first by make a great effort to step forward first.

Su-Yin -D├ęcorateur said...

Hi guys.. sorry for the late response. I havn't been top of my game lately. Have fallen sick.. Haha.. must have been worrying too much. Could be the weather too..don't know which is exactly culprit hhehe.
Thanks for the words of advice and kind encouragement. I've been much better lately; just getting acquainted all over again I guess. Making new friends.. haha Still hanging to those ive made abroad. I can't seem to let America or Australia go! *sigH* haha I guess it's the old saying..
*in due time*
:)