It's been almost 2 full days now since I've step foot back onto Malaysian soil. How do I feel?A part of me feels happy to be home; and another part of me feels like I do not belong.
4 years in Sydney has been incredible; and I've taken a positive outlook to leaving all of that behind and moving on. It's now time for the 'next-step'... the preceding stages of my life... play time is over... it's time to face the music.
I was initially afraid of the change; but was strong willed enough to convince myself that change was for the better; that change was inevitable for improvement and change was the first step to progression. I had prepared myself mentally to adapt to my new future... but it seems that I've not done enough.
To tell you the truth; being here right NOW.... I am more afraid than ever. *laughs*
Mom and Dad have been very supportive with my returning home and have tried to settle me in as best they can. It feels like I'm 12 all over again! It's fun to be home; looking at things I recognize from the past; my room looks smaller than I remember; my tiny trinkets filled with memories scattered everywhere! I get this feeling of nostalgia everytime I come home after a long time. This time; there is no holiday... I'm back here for good.
So why is it that I'm afraid?
Well...to tell you the truth; it's because I feel awkward. I feel like everyone's staring at me; that I weigh 3 times the weight of an average girl here; that I sound 'weird' everytime I speak in English; that I dress so UN-Malaysian; that I'm so big and tall; that I can't speak a proper sentence of Cantonese(my native language) and that everyone around me thinks I'm some sort of outsider trying to be local. *laughs*
Thinking about it now; I don't think it's such a bad thing afterall; I'm different... I just need to learn to love the fact that I am. I'll need to give it a couple more days... run a few miles at the gym and I'll be sweet! I know overoptimism is a dangerous thing; but seriously, what's life without hope :P
Alright guys...its time to hit the road for me; I've got errands to run and I'm taking grandpa out for lunch!
Oh... before I forget; I've been receiving cake orders and requests from fellow Malaysians the past couple of months. I know I'm now home; but I'd like to give myself at least a couple of weeks to settle in and spend time with family. I've shipped my baking utensils and equipment and they will be arriving late January...so I probably won't be able to start work till then. Not to worry; I'll update everyone on what my plans are; and how I'll be spending the next couple of years :) Not to worry; in time.. Malaysia will have a slice of Su's Cake!
Lookout for more recipes in posts this weekend!